Random talk session 287: ugh i m so weak

hello diary. today is 3/5/2017/ (wed)

so............... i am currently watching generations' music video. never let you go. damn catchy song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been repeating it from yesterday.. at first, i was only listening to the song, but then i just had to get curious of the music video, so i went to utube and watched it..and what a wrong move that was. WHAT A WRONG MOVE. damn. watching it makes me crazy coz everyone is soo cute!!!!!!!!!!! i am so weak damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just kno i will fall for all those cutie pies ughhhhhh like seriously... 

it all started wit high&low.. my world started to change. life started to get cloudly..

and then, watching interview and stuffs, and for some reason, i started to fall in love wit gun..  and my world starts to crumble from that moment.. the earth cracked, my life is on the verge of falling,, 

so, i watched more of gun.. and watch his band.. and i found out about exile and it sub group. but sandaime though. omi though. omigun though. my world starts to fall, while spontaneous combustion right on the spot. my life is on freakin fire while falling to the fandom pit. sandaime why why why i want to die watching their live.. ugh should i start talking about them too??? ok i should. at first i was only gonna talk about generations, but nope. i want to talk about sandaime too. (even though i already talk about them in the previous post?????) ok, so yeah.. i watched more of their pvs and listen to more of their songs. to the point i finally able to distinguish omi's and ryuji's voice. omi though ughhh after gun, i just had to fall for this guy???  and also his relationship wit gun is so cute??? i feel like he spoils gun so much??? i feel the love so much?? lol but sadly, nowadays i feel like not much of omigun love. they are so busy wit individual works. is it bcoz they are getting more popular i guess??? back in the days, omigun would always hav a date of their own like going to disney sea and las vegas, just the 2 of them  it's so cute i wanna cry but now, as if thy dont interact at all.. it makes me so sad. erm, what else, oh yeah, about sandaime.. i become to like the grup so much, i want to watch their live too someday. when i found out abt them, i thought thy are just another regular jpop artist, and not as big as johnny's..... HOW WRONG WAS IT. they are quite popular actually and getting to their live is as bad and as hard as getting live to johnny's concert.. damn it!!!!!!!!! whyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! i was so upset.. whyyyy???? i wanna see them wit my own eyes. watching from the computer screen is not enough.. ughhh oh yeah, so, i was looking at sandaime's website to check their concert tour, i even considering to spend rm5000 for a front row seat.. lol considering ok lol i m not that rich ok. but still, it makes me so sad and mad.. why did i just had to fall for a popular grup!!! i hate popular grup coz their live is always impossible to get. anyway, yeah.. about their concert. they actually had one, a dome tour. starting from nov/dec 2016? i forgot,, also in jan and feb 2017.. and last one is gonna be in august. i think that august one was actually postpone?? i dunno wat happened though?? yeah, that was the live that i was considering to buy for rm5k lol but maybe i will not.. who knows.. i just hope this obsession will go away by the time lol but looks like it is not??? damn heart!!! ... ok, while looking for sandaime's live i also found out about generations' world tour. you kno, tat time, i was like, SO ANGRY at them lol like, WHY DID YOU GET A WORLD TOUR???? SANDAIME IS MORE POPULAR THAN YOU BRATS" i was seriously, resent them just for that reason lol everytime there is a vtr abt them in casino exile or any video related to sandaime, i would always skip their part lol THE HATE WAS SO REAL... but as they are in the same circle as sandaime, i nvr actually can avoid them... while hating the group, a flicker of light also appear deep down lol.. they are just too cute!!! i just kno i will like them too someday! that is also why i try to avoid their stuffs.. coz i hate them and i kno i will like them eventually!! my emotion is so complex lol ok.... so yeah.... 

generations. they are so young it breaks my heart lol i hate this feelings. ok.. so.. erm.. i think at first, i was actually attract to katanose ryota? when i was watching the higher ground pv... he looks so cute and damn a very sweet voice too. he is like gun, has that "perfect prince" image to him. but maybe bcoz i dont really watch much videos about him, i actually kinda forgot abt him?? lol... and currently, i m actually liking.. shirahama alan lololol omg.. and maybe kazuhara ryuto and komori hayato too. but mostly alan now. lol. of all people right??? lol i m trying to remember when is it i actually come to like this guy??? i think i saw him first in the race viceo, lol when gun still wit the wild type image lol tbh i thought he looks kinda weird?? lol he has a very define feature actually, and it is most probably coz he is half filipino lol how dreamy lol i also saw him wit the shabekuri feat the high&low casts (coz i was in high&low mood at tht time) dont really hav much impression towards of him at all.. i was busy fangirling gun looking so cute wit the hat lol i think the moment that i really got to like generations was after i watch the casino exile ep when they had to eat spicy food lololol that was so hilarious!! sano vs spicy food is so freakin cute lol i wanna form a #protectsanofromspicyfood squad after watching that video lololol also, as a seiyuu fan, i need to say this, i really, like sano and hayato's voice lol they got such a deep voice for a very cute lookin face lolol ... and then i watched more of casino videos, and of course, i watched ryuto's kendama challenge. he always succeed in doing the challenge!! amazing ryuto!! i just had to like him.. also, his talking voice ugh.. tamaranai desu yo!! lolol anwyay, yeah, and then, there's alan.. now i remember.. the moment that my heart got captured lol is.. when he was doing the blowin the candle challenge lol that face when he said "ikemasu??" lol i dont usually post pic in my rant, but here: 

his face so epic lol i wanna hug him everytime i see this cutie pie now lol dammmmmm so much feels!!!! i cant handle it ugh ugh ugh guh guh guh ugh ugh 

so, yeah,,, em.. i dunno what else to write anymore lol gudbye until next time~

Random talk 286: obsession talk, (gun-chan, omi, takahiro, keiji)

hello diary. today is 11th april 2017

so, i m still in 3jsb mood lol omi and gunchan especially.. so, i wanna talk about them, before this feeling goes away in a few months? lol so short? i really hope i will get over this obsession quickly, coz i really cant handle this intense feelin. 

anyway, firstly, i wanna talk about iwata takanori aka gun-chan. like i said in the previous post, i saw him in high & low drama, and didnt feel a thing for him lol i guess his character, cobra is cool and all, but i didnt feel him at all lol... i even like chiharu more among the sannoh rengokai group lol  also, one thing about him, his voice was too low,, i was like, "dude, why are your voice so low??? pls talk normally i kno u dun sounds like that in real life" lol i cant seem to like him at all even after watching season 2 and the movie. it was only after i watch high & low interviews/promotion and watch him not being cobra, i begun to like him. he looks so freakin good wit black hair and damn he got a clean and fresh face too lol and he's such a good dancer, and that was when i fell in love lol damn tis guy manage to capture my heart! i mean, to be honest i really dun want to get obsessed on any idol anymore. it is so exhausting and ughhh being a fangirl is so tiring ok. anime character is the only exception.i dun mind fangirling an anime character, but when it is a real person, i will always hav this feeling of want to see them wit my own eyes! i want to scream my hearts out at him!! he makes me happy, and yet he makes me sad. you feel me?? i hate him for making me feel this way. aiii i m so hopeless..  so, i wanted to watch more of him, so i check out his group, called the sandaime j soul brothers. and then. i just hav to freakin like his bandmate, tosaka hiroomi. omi, 

yes, next, omi. i dun even remember when i begun to like him?? i think becoz he was always in the videos i were watching for gun-chan?? i think?? i dunno, i feel like that is not the reason? lol i dun remember..  for my first encounter, also in high&low series, he is hiroto, one of the amamiya brothers. i remember my first impression of that character though lol like, i dislike him. lol hate is such a strong word to use lol anyway yeah, i dun like him the very first time  he appeared. why? becoz he looks so much like a kpop star lol i was like, reading the comments, and people are like, "wow hiroto is so handsome!!!" and i was like "seriously people??? what so good about him?? i bet people only like him just bcoz he looks like a kpop star" lol i dont get his popularity at all.. even after watching few of j soul brothers videos i was like.. erm.. no. i think i actually like him after watching videos of him wit takahiro?? i think i like takahiro first before him lol so, i was like, erm, this guy (takahiro) is cute, i might as well watch more videos of him.. and coincidentally, omi also appears a lot with him.. ? i think after watching him in videos wit gun-chan and takahiro, my heart slowly opens for him too lolol especially now that i can hear his singing voice i m like ughhh i want to die!!! ughhh omiiii why u so cute and handsome!!! lol like seriously, i feel like i like tis guy more than gun-chan now lol omg 

ok next..  for the rest of the member, elly, naoto, naoki, kenjirou and ryuji. i m still not feeling them lol coz my head is kinda fill wit omi and gun-chan right now lol anyway, i can say ryuji is on his way actually lol.. one thing i need to say, about ryuji, damn, i really like his voice, and i mean, speaking voice, not his singing voice. i m saying this, as a seiyuu fan. i have a thing with "voice" ok,  and damn, i need to say this again, i really love ryuji's speaking voice!! i love gun-chan and omi. but their voice is something i consider, normal,just the usual, like nothing special. but ryuji. even before knowing him, i was like, "what is wit that voice...wow" he shud do voice acting job in the future lol i dont think he will though lol erm, also others... elly.. he's a very creative person, he choreograph most of the dance that i really like.. and then naoto.. i swear he kinda remind me of someone but i will nvr figure out who lol this guy, i m gonna talk a little bit about him in later section lol then, naoki, haha, the tall yakuza look alike, even though he has a very intimidating face, he is really a kind person,, i can tell. and then kenjirou. the kansai person lol.. the talkative, funny guy of the group. erm that is all for sandaime members. next, takahiro.

takahiro. not much i can say, i think he is a very handsome guy haha.. and kinda perverted too lol but he is also a fun guy to watch. and that dimple ughhh i feel so attacked every time he smile haha.. he is masaki, one of the amamiya brothers in high&low. he was one of my fav character, so i hav to like the actor as well lol.. also i nvr even notice he has a dimple until i watched the very cute anime special drawn by clamp. i take notice of him more after i knew that fact lol this guy is also on the way into my heart lol.. but my heart is now for gun-chan and omi lol.. i wonder who is gonna barge in next lol... 

ok, i am also kinda staring at the generations boys like omg.. i m soo weak. thy are soo cute. i think someday i m gonna let these people in my heart too one day.. but i m tying not too lol i m avoiding all their videos now, coz once i do, i just k now, i m gonna obsessed over them too..

next.. so, like i said, on my way feeding my obsession, i watched quite a few of youtube videos related to exile/omi/gun-chan/takahiro..  like,, that one nite, i watched utube for 6 hours straight omg my eyes,, at first, i watched most of gun-chan.. then some sandaime stuffs.. and now, i think i m watching more videos related to exile tribe..  oh, also, there was this video, mechaike vs exile tribe and that is when, i begun to like, this guy called, "keiji" lol  omg tis guy.. why am i attracted to him?? lol he manage to slip in my heart a little bit lol.. but i m still holding the fort lol i think? lol he is definitely there lol.. i was watching that mechaike vs exile tribe, when he was participating in the nanpa game, which he lost anyway lol he was so bad at nanpa, but that makes him so endearing. lol i also watch him in more videos, and damn, the guy is really cute!! he is like 36 years old (tis year) but i just wanna pat him and hug him and spoil him like a kid lol he's so cuteee!! i wanna squeezee his face lololol anyway, as usual, i saw him 1st in the high&low series, as rocky, the boss leader of white rascal. ok, another character that i kinda dislike lol.. their theme song is too kpop like, i m always triggered when they appeared lol but in an ep, there was a kakkoi side of him too.i still cant stand their theme song though lol.. anyway, ok, keiji, ok..erm.. so, back to the nanpa episode. he fail lol so, takahiro had naoto to be his wing man lol naoto did a better job lol but i feel like shipping these two after i watched that episode lolol so, coz i kinda ran out of gun-chan's and omi's video to watch on youtube, i begun to watch more videos on the old exile, (before sandaime era) wow, i really like their chemistry actually? i think they got it better than sandaime?? anyhow, i just need to comment on naoto's style back then lol it was.. so weird? lol it is the facial hair actually. ok, who am i to say this, gun-chan's transformation is even greater than naoto. he was more buff back then, and wit more facial hair lol he is now doing the "prince" image wit the clean look lol and i dig that damnnnnn why am i like this *punch the wall* aiiiihhhh ok, also i think i m beginning to feel for this guy name "shokichi" too lol omg send help pls i m feeling.. lolol

erm, looks like the essay is getting to long lol actually i wanted to talk about sandaime's song too, but maybe another time lol this post is already long enough lol

jaa~~ until next time!!

Random talk session 285: omg new obsession..

hello diary!! today is 26th of march. it's sunday. like the title says, yes, i hav a new obsession. it started almost a few days already, but finally got time to write it here lol

and.. it's iwata takanori and his band j soul brothers i guess? lol damn..  at one time i almost die from hyperventilation watching the band's music video lol 

anyway, i wanted to write how did i come across this guy lol

so, a few months ago, i saw this article, about clamp drawing the characters from a drama called high and low. for some reason, i dunno why, but i like got interested.. ok, actually, it's bcoz the drawing was kinda cute lol so, i got curious, about tis show. so i went to watch the first episode. at first, omg the intro is so long and boring lol.. my first impression of this show, was it has the anime feel to it. like the way they handle the long ass boring intro prologue lol and the characters, they are very colorful. and the humor is A+. these are the 2 main reasons that i kept on watching, and actually finishing all 10 ep in a day lol (1 ep is like, only 25 min long lol anime much?) the serious part of the story is really boring to be honest. and also, very very cliche. for example, the 5 groups that don't get along. i just know they are gonna combine their strength in the later arc to fight a more powerful enemy. and that did happen. so anyway.. yeah, it was ok i guess. then i also proceed to the 2nd season, which also i finished watching in a day lol my eyes and then.. i also watch the movie.. after the movie, i was like. erm. feel empty? lol damn i guess no matter how cliche the story was, i was really entertain by it lol... so, i went to youtube and look for any extra stuff, like interviews and some stuffs lol.. and then, i also did some research on the show.. like, it was a project made by this group from "EXILE"? and i thought, "erm, exile? they are kinda familiar..." yup, i heard of them from anime or drama i cant remember lol i m not that familiar wit japan's pop artist lol so yeah, then i was like, wow. ok. and then i found out that most of the actors are from that group.. so i wanted to see this group, and look at their music video. at first i was like amused seeing the characters dancing and singing lol and i watch some more music video from the series itself.. and for some reason i was attracted to the actor who play as cobra. he was the perfomer in this exile tribe group, also, on his own group, j soul brothers.  i watch more videos related to the series...and then before i knew it, i was falling head over heals on the actor lol he looks really really good wit black hair. btw his name is iwata takanori lol and i watch more videos with him, and one thing about him. he is absolutely the perfect guy lol damn boy y u do this to me lol 

also, i think now i m kinda into hiroto's (amamiya) actor too.. lol i will fangirl over him another time. fangirling iwata is already exhausting enough lol

my other notes from watching the series:

- white rascal's theme song sounds too much like kpop, i m kinda triggered everytime i heard the song lol at one point i thought the leader (omg i forgot his name?? ice i think?? [edited:it was actually rocky] lol) was kakkoi. i was applauding at him while muttering "mvp, mvp, u r mvp tonite" lol

- murayama got the most character development dont fight me on this

- amamiya masaki is so funny lol while his little brother get all the cool scenes lol hiroto looks too much like a kpop star i m always triggered seeing him lol (but his actor is sooooo cute..)
- my fav character was actually murayama lol but i ended liking cobra's actor lol

i think that is all for today.. i wanna watch more gun-chan on youtube lol "gun-chan" is iwata's nickname lol

bye

Random talk session 284: it still hurts, meme, and initial d

hello diary..  it is the new year already. i wanted to abandon this blog completely. but alas, i cant..  too many memories i guess? even if there are the bad ones,,

i m still not over my crush.. i want to, but everything still reminds me of him.. tat is why i try to abandon this blog too, coz my feelings are still here.. i feel so stupid.. i wanna forget.. ughh i hate myself..

anyway.... the point is ths post is actually is the yearly meme.. so, yeah.. last year --> 2016 edition


What fandoms did you acquire in 2016?
 initial d lol and also, boykira the game.. as of date, i spend about rm700 on the game.. i am not even that good at that game.

also, i wanna tell the story of my initial d obsession lol.. i clearly remember, in the past, i was like, "initial d" that is the one anime tat i swear i will nvr watch coz the art is so ugly lolz but now.. it has become one of the best anime i watched! how did it started then? at first, i was kinda in a sekitomo mood, coz omg his voice ugh.. after tat, i was like, i wanna hear more of him.. after a certain recommendation, i went to watch initial d. and what do u kno, i actually like it. the anime is very cheesy actually, but the reason i love it that much, is actually the seiyuu. the 3 golden trio. miki shinichiro, seki tomokazu and koyasu takehito.. ah who am i kidding, these 3 are not just golden trio, they are like, the holy trinity. no  matter how much i love the newer seiyuu, they will nvr compare to these 3 oldies i wanna cry

What fandoms did you let go of in 2017?
none? i kinda getting bored of supernatural also lol 

What fandoms do you intend on checking out in 2016?
more seiyuu craze

highlights for 2016 is, that i finally went to japan. 

that is all i guess? i cant stay here too long.. 

Random talk session 283: heartbroken...

hello diary..

ok, like the title says, i m currently heartbroken..

my crush already find his love, and he is really in love.. and it sadden me so..

i feel like a fool for liking him in the 1st place...

and now, i m slowly tending to my broken to pieces heart..

oh well.. actually i dont want to think about it anymore..

i just want to forget this feelings..

but, i need to say this.. ever since he is in a relationship, he definitely change.. and not for the good, but kind of in bad way.. he only care about his new found love now, and dun care about his other friends anymore. to shorten, he is not a gentleman anymore. he wont wait for his friends, he wont help his friends. he only cares for his new love now. dude, pls dont be like that. to be in a relationship, doesnt mean that you have to abandon your (girl) friends.. he used to be so kind before. but now, i guess that kindness is only for his love.. why did u hav to change man? now i feel like i started to dislike him for what he has become..

okay, that is all for today.

i dont want tis feelings anymore...i hate you..

Random talk session 282

hello diary.. today is 9th of may,..

everyday is so hard now.. i am sad all the time.. i want to cry all the time.. i dont want to cry, but!! it is so hard to contain this feelings.. pls.. pls..

i dont want to feel this way.. i want to forget,,, pls let me fall for anyone else, i cant handle this feelings.. if i can fall for someone like him, most definitely i can fall for any other people, right? so pls, i beg to myself.. dont make me feel it anymore.. this crush is so painful!! i dont want it anymore... i cant take it anymore..

pls.. go away,..

i hope i can change my shift,,,

i hope he goes away asap..

seeing him everyday, hurts me everyday...

i try to avoid him, but how can i? when he is on the next shift, right after mine? when we are on the same shift??? the more i avoid him, the more it hurts when i accidentally saw him (while avoiding him).. it just makes me think about him,, even my dream cant escape from him... i hate that i m so weak, that i am such a loser, that i cant forget about him.

i already accepted that i will nvr be in a relationship with him. i know that so damn well, but why is that my feelings wont go away??? damn it go away alreadyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!! THIS CRUSH IS OVER!!!! I DONT LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO FORGET!!!!!!!!! I M SICK OF BEING SAD EVERYDAY JUST BECAUSE OF A FREAKIN GUY!!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!! I AM A STRONG PERSON!!!!!!!!!! GOD PLS HELP ME, HELP ME TO FORGET HIM...

life was so much easier before.. i would just watch seiyuu videos...think of an idea to make a gif for my tumblr.. then making the gifs itself.. i would spent so much time on this, just to make mere 4 sets of gifs..

maybe i shud do that again.. maybe that is the distraction that i need.. but, the problem is, it is so hard to concentrate when all i think about is him.. anyway, maybe it is a start..

that is all for today i guess.. hoping tomoro is a better day..

Random talk session 281

hello diary..today is 4th of may..

so.. it has been, 2 weeks that i didnt write here.. nothing much happened i guess.. i didnt get to see him that much, and i admit, i really miss him. 

i miss him. yet, i try to avoid him. just like the other day, i use a different door to exit the lab coz i dun want to see him.. coz, i know, if i saw him, it will just make me miss him more. ugh. 

there are things, i want to talk to him, but my mouth just wont say it.. as a result, i didnt even talk properly to him.. i.. i hate that i m so awkward wit him.. 

so, the other day, our group, kinda has a bbq session at a park nearby, and we stayed overnight. i m not use to these kinda things (things like group activity..i m an introvert ok, i hate crowds and hate social activities).. while the others are enjoying themselves,i just stay quiet at the corner alone, not saying anything.. i felt kinda alone. but then, he ask me, "why are u so quiet?" i know, he is just saying that, bcoz he is a good people person, but still, it make me extremely happy, i started to cry after that.. (and since i was alone, nobody notice..). I was seriously feeling down, coz i feel like i didnt belong, but when he ask me that, suddenly, those feelings doesnt matter anymore. It is bcoz it was him that ask me the question.. how can i explain this feelings???? i.. i.. *sigh*

ok, so next day, i was working the day shift wit him.. unusually, things werent awkward much that day. i speak to him casually, and he was kinda, kind (?) to me.. i was feeling cloud nine that day i guess lol.. but of course, the next day, things become awkward again lol like, ugh

seriously, i just cant get myself to talk to him properly, if there are things he wants to give, he just gives it to me. no words exchange. like, my mind cant process what to say to him at all, so i just stay quiet. ugh.

ok, that is all for today i guess.. not much to tell anymore.. i just,, miss him..so dearly..