Random talk session 282

hello diary.. today is 9th of may,..

everyday is so hard now.. i am sad all the time.. i want to cry all the time.. i dont want to cry, but!! it is so hard to contain this feelings.. pls.. pls..

i dont want to feel this way.. i want to forget,,, pls let me fall for anyone else, i cant handle this feelings.. if i can fall for someone like him, most definitely i can fall for any other people, right? so pls, i beg to myself.. dont make me feel it anymore.. this crush is so painful!! i dont want it anymore... i cant take it anymore..

pls.. go away,..

i hope i can change my shift,,,

i hope he goes away asap..

seeing him everyday, hurts me everyday...

i try to avoid him, but how can i? when he is on the next shift, right after mine? when we are on the same shift??? the more i avoid him, the more it hurts when i accidentally saw him (while avoiding him).. it just makes me think about him,, even my dream cant escape from him... i hate that i m so weak, that i am such a loser, that i cant forget about him.

i already accepted that i will nvr be in a relationship with him. i know that so damn well, but why is that my feelings wont go away??? damn it go away alreadyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!! THIS CRUSH IS OVER!!!! I DONT LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO FORGET!!!!!!!!! I M SICK OF BEING SAD EVERYDAY JUST BECAUSE OF A FREAKIN GUY!!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!! I AM A STRONG PERSON!!!!!!!!!! GOD PLS HELP ME, HELP ME TO FORGET HIM...

life was so much easier before.. i would just watch seiyuu videos...think of an idea to make a gif for my tumblr.. then making the gifs itself.. i would spent so much time on this, just to make mere 4 sets of gifs..

maybe i shud do that again.. maybe that is the distraction that i need.. but, the problem is, it is so hard to concentrate when all i think about is him.. anyway, maybe it is a start..

that is all for today i guess.. hoping tomoro is a better day..

Random talk session 155: My hair tragedy

hello diary.. today is 16/10/10 saturday..

i had a hair cut earlier and i didnt like it bcoz it's too short!!!!! I HATE ITT!!!!! I HOPE MY HAIR WILL GROW FASTER!!!!!!

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........SO FREAKIN SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually before this, i dun really mind of my appearance, but now i kinda care bcoz there is someone who i kinda like... something about love, huh.. love make people do stupid things and also make people feels stupid things... i hate this. i wanna forget him so freakin much!!!! i dun want him to c my hideous hair style T_T i hope he wont be coming to SEDC againnnnn!! but sadly, what i really wish usually dun come true.. arghhhh i am so afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! before this, i hope he would come to sedc again, but now, i really, really hope he wont be coming back..

oh God. please give me strength to forget him...

i hate this... that;s all or today.. bye..

Random talk session 144: ANGRYYYYYY

hi diary!

today is 23/8/2010. it's monday. i just want to say this:

"wow, you are so freakin annoying!"

that's all...

Random talk session 143: Life in GEMS part 23

hello diary. today is 29/5/2010. it's saturday.

argh, i simply hate my life. nothing seems to satisfy me except for money... i am always living with fear and anxiety..

life usually dont go according to plan, then why do we still making plan??? continuation of my SEDC story...at first i feel relieved when they said that my placement was gonna be at betong (which is at my hometown). And the next day, i got red eye, and was told to rest at home. so i didnt go for the induction, and who knows, this little act of not going for the induction was the cause of all my anxiety, my concerns. my misery, my sadness, my hardship,etc...arrrgghhhhh.. from my friend, i found out that my placement is at sri aman! but i didnt really believ it and tried to call them the whole day. i dun want to go to sri aman!!! if i cant get my hometown, then i would prefer kuching. but what can i do.. i wanted to call them and ask them to change me to HQ but i couldnt reach the person in charge. so, i just get ready to go back to my hometown.. the next day i finally able to contact her, and i finally get to transfer to HQ. but then, another problem arised. my mother already come to take me home, so i had to go back. and also on my way home, i found out that my friend cant rent the house that i was staying in before this.. i feel like "sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga" so many bad luck.. and that times, i wish i was in sri aman. can u see the irony? before this i really resent to go to sri aman... *sigh* but at that time, i really wish i just accept the offer to go to sri aman...

now, i feel like crying. i hate my week self... why cant i be stronger????

ok..enough of emo-ing, sambung later, i have to write abt what i am worrying so much abt now...

tomoro i will going back to kuch. the van is gonna pick me up at 6:30am. so early, rite? i am worry about tomoro. i wonder abt the new house. i think i dun mind even if the house is buruk, as long i hav place to live for the next 6 months... but then again, maybe i will mind it after all? the place is quite near to my work place though.. the pros and cons are balanced.. *sigh*

and also abt tomoro, how in the world i want to bring my stuffs to that place after i arrived at parkson??? i have too many stuffs! esp the computer. this is one of the times i really really regret for not having a laptop *sigh* i dunno if i should bring my computer tomoro? but if i dun bring it, life gonna be so boring..

and then, another major concern, is about my intern wit SEDC. arrghhh i bet i have made a very bad impression to them?? did i touble them for making me transfer to HQ? i hate to trouble people the most... i rather to be unnoticed.. i should have go to their office last wed (the closing ceremony) and discuss abt my placement with them rather than making it's so sudden like what i did..

and there also this batik day thing... i dun have batik clothes... better buy 1 then..

and also, the MC stuffs... what is that gonna be i wonder. i kno iwill hav to do it soon or later and i am so gonna be so much fail. T_T arghhhh

i hate this..so many things to concerns abt...

and most of all, i feel so sad for having to leave home again... sobs..

to be continue...

Random talk session 121: GEMS?

hello diary..

ok, i wrote abt this in my MP page, which is kinda rare...That page is supposed to be for fangirling purpose and i seldom post anything related to myself there...ah, anyway..want to add some more things abt it..

I HATE MY LIFE
I HATE THE PROGRAME I KNO I WILL BCOZ I NEVER LIKE PLKN
I HATE TO INTERACT WIT PEOPLE I DONT KNOW
I HATE SPEAKING ENGLISH
I HATE PRESENTING
I HATE ME

ok, that's all...

i am so sad ok!!!!!!!!!

Random talk session 105: i hate the dentist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello diary. today is 26/12/2009. today is oguri shun bday. happy bdaydear! i'll be a better fan next year lol

and it's kinda late, but merry christmas to the world!!

ok..so what happen to me...something really happen alrite. this last tues (22/12) i went to sibu to...how to say in english eh???? pull out my teeth? 3 of them..em.so anyway, it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo painful i tell youuuuu!!!!!!!! when they pull out my teeth, it is not painful, but the moment they stuck that stooooooooooooopid needle into ur gum, it hurts like helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!! arrgggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! futsu no itai janai yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! choo itai dakara!!!!!!!!!!! grrrr!!!! and i think that dental i went to is not good. that's y it was so cheap. and painful!!

grrrr!!!! after i was injected, my gum started to bleed. is that normal???huuuuhh????? so F**K*** painful damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is one of my hateful life story..so i am gonna end it here...i just simply cant write a happy entry together wit this one....

aii...so bye...to be continue...

Random talk session 77: Argh. I HATE FUJI

gah. i dunno. i hate FUJi. what fuji. it's fuji from prince of tennis. wht was herhis full name i dun remember..gah...

EDITed ON 7 may2009:

anyway...emm...i hav no idea...

from koi no ABO perf dvd...
the stage so pretty and colorful...please let there be a dvd for the winter party diamond...

emm....ah!! reborn 130..the guest for haru2 interview is adult rambo XDD been a while ne!! i mean, the last time he appear...i think ep 70 sumthing?? i miss him XDD hehe..
emm..the server is very good at unimas and i have been dwld-ing like crazy XDD i seriously dnno wht else to dwld...currently i am dwld-ing gargoyles, supernatural, gintama and misc JE vids...am going back tis sunday..i need to hurry up and finish dwld-ing the remaning ep..

gintoki n hijigata XDD hehe...bcoz i love these 2 guys XD

end!!

Random talk session 69: I AM VERY ANGRY

osu~~ today is..wed...i didnt go to polymer class tis morning...eem..really lazy..haha..

my fren said tomoro will tell polymer midterm result..ah!! i am so scare!!!! i hope i can pass!!! so scare!!!!!!!

i dun hav any idea to write..oh..i was eating at sakura..and there was this annoying guy!!!!!!!! gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKIN WISH HE CHOKED AND HAD A VERY PAIN STOMAHACHE AFTER EATING!!!!!! DAMN YOU******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE INCONSIDERATE IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!

Random talk session 44: ggrrr!! i am so angry

nanka, the comment for ths vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caqcHuitJMg kinda piss me off...actually it piss me off VERY VERY MUCH. thanks very much for making the hatred grow a thousand folded more.

Random talk session 41: hate post

i kno kattun is more popular thn NEWS. i actually except tht fact...but ths is not abt thm...

NEWS 1st single debut week sales: 270,770
-------1st single sales: 176,000

NEWS 2nd single debut week sales: 185,651
-------2nd single debut sale: 160,000

NEWS latest (1oth) single debut week sales: 201,304
-------latest (8th) single debut week sales: 194,304

heh! NEWS is alwys better thn -------, in my heart and in my soul!!

Random talk session 36: The seiyuu dilemma and a hate post!

Hhmm....i am getting concerned with seiyuu...in kinda a bad way D:

the problem is they r making me more harder to choose anime now...n another word, they are making me being a lot more picky!

for example if there is no [insert my fav seiyuu name], i dun want to watch the anime...
this is not good...i dun want to be too picky...than i will ended watching less and less anime...so, i was even thinking of letting off ths fandom(seiyuu) go...

gah..!! and the 1st one i thought was, suwabe...and i actually dun want to..he has become too important...ggrr...suwabe-sama...and dun even get me started on namikawa...

anyhow..i wonder how ths will be...

but one thing for sure, i still hate bishonen charac voiced by a female seiyuu. i seriously hate it!!!!
esp this guy..yukimura from tenipuri...i even forgot his given name....but for some reason i remembered..so i was able to google him.

whn i see him i totally see a girl. and if he speaks..i hate him even more.

oh, the same goes to fuji. i totally see a girl whn i see him too. as for ryoma, he is still a kid, so it's acceptable but i still dun like ryoma. heh! whteva...if i like ths girly looking guy, thn wouldnt tht make me like girls? i am so not a freakin les. ggrr!!!

gah i hav so many issue...i hate feeling like ths!!!