hello diary~ today is 23/3/2010 it's tuesday...
yesterday...was a tough day..in all means...i dun want to talk about it...
emm...yesterday...i didnt eat anything...wow...i didnt have breakfast, lunch or dinner...and this morning, i didnt take any breakfast too..and now it's lunch time, and i am still not eating, but doing this blog entry instead... i am surprised i am still have the energy now...*sigh* oh, i also didnt drink anything since yesterday afternoon..omg..i am surprised i can hold that long. usually i can tahan x makan, but i really cant tahan x minum...well...it's obvious, i was really, really, really sad yesterday. it is officially one the black moments in my life...well..like i said, life goes on. i cant dwell on it for long time...
what else...about that guy..emm...did i saw him yesterday let me think..oh yes, i did. now i remember. i saw him when i was about to go to lunch, while waiting for my friend near the stairchase to the basement...
and that's it...i didnt see him again after that T_T
today i saw him at our office XD ah, why so cute~ and to be honest, he's really distracting. esp when he's behind me...and when he's in front of me...he became more distracting..i just want to stare at him forever..XD
emm...that's all..
oh yeah, today i'm a little sick...has slight fever...i woke up wit the weirdest voice..haha..
that's all for today..
-to be continue-
March 23, 2010
March 21, 2010
Random talk session 131: Life in GEMS part 11
hello diary~ it's 21/3/2010. it's sunday...emm....
today also didnt see him... i didnt see him for 2 days now..where are u???? T_T aitakata... last nite, i dreamt of him again.. and it's the 3rd time in a row XDDD
woke up wit a sore throat...ahh...so uncomfortable... i think i am gonna be sick after a few days...aii..
emm...yesterday..i berendam in the tub. hahaha. and i berendam so late, at 12am.. is that related to my sore throat? haha..
at noon, i went to the everise to buy sumthing for the office..i also bought ANOTHER shoes. aaaghhh..i hope this is the last shoe i need to buy... also bought some make up stuffs..haiya..next week is grooming..i am so uninterested wit this kinda thing...
that's all...
-to be continue-
today also didnt see him... i didnt see him for 2 days now..where are u???? T_T aitakata... last nite, i dreamt of him again.. and it's the 3rd time in a row XDDD
woke up wit a sore throat...ahh...so uncomfortable... i think i am gonna be sick after a few days...aii..
emm...yesterday..i berendam in the tub. hahaha. and i berendam so late, at 12am.. is that related to my sore throat? haha..
at noon, i went to the everise to buy sumthing for the office..i also bought ANOTHER shoes. aaaghhh..i hope this is the last shoe i need to buy... also bought some make up stuffs..haiya..next week is grooming..i am so uninterested wit this kinda thing...
that's all...
-to be continue-
March 20, 2010
Random talk session 130: Life in GEMS part 10
hello diary. today is 20/3/2010. it's saturday.
today...i didnt see him T_T
last nite, was the voting for the new CEO. i saw him on the way to the office...after the voting we went to the basement, for the so-called induction for the new GEMS participants. i saw him again.. i notice sumthing about this guy, so small, but he laugh so loud! haha! i think he's the Do-S type hahaha.
emm....what else...dun much to say...
-to be continue-
today...i didnt see him T_T
last nite, was the voting for the new CEO. i saw him on the way to the office...after the voting we went to the basement, for the so-called induction for the new GEMS participants. i saw him again.. i notice sumthing about this guy, so small, but he laugh so loud! haha! i think he's the Do-S type hahaha.
emm....what else...dun much to say...
-to be continue-
March 18, 2010
Random talk session 129: Life in GEMS part 9
hello diary! today is 18/3/2010. it's thursday.
during lunch, sumthing really good happen to me..i'll tell the story later...so, anyway..that sumthing, it made me really, really, really, really happy, and then i kno, sumthing bad, real bad gonna comes up next. and how true was it. i cried during the bi class. i felt so ashame of myself!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF. I DONT BLAME ANYONE, i dont blame or hold any grudge to the person who chose me to go, or the trainer or even the one who criticize me, bcoz i kno, what they had said were the truth, and i dun mind. the one who really made me mad and angry and sad is myself. i hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO STUPID!!!!!!!! WHY THE HELL AM I LIKE THIS??????????? BEING SO OVERLY EMOTIONAL OVER SUCH SMALL MATTERS!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!! STUPID!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKIN DAMN HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our mentor even gave me some advice and all... i made such a fool out of myself. and now everyone kno how weird i am!! arghhhhh!!
ahh!! dun want to talk about this anymore...what pass have pass la. i dun want to remember it anymore, specially when it involve an unpleasant memories like this...*sigh*
...ok...about the good thing that happen...what else...about that guy la haha. i had been wanting to eat on the same table with him since..i saw him eating in the basement (meal time) XDDD and then, finally today, my wish was realized XDDDD it was like...fate lol no la... actually i didnt want to go lunch today, but my friend persuade me bcoz i didnt even took any breakfast or eat anything during tea time. i'm so glad that i did XDDD
his friend was on the same table where i and my friend were eating..so he went there to eat... at first we was like, only brought the rice lol he said sumthing like this: how silly! why did i only take the rice??? oh gawd the cuteness kills me XDDDDD hahahaha i want to cuddle him like a teddy bear XDDDD when he said that i looked at his plate and saw the rice and i tried really hard to contained myself from laughing too hard XDDD and not to mention my heart was beating like crazy bcoz he was too close XDDDDDDDD but the problem when he's so close, i cant stare at him, bcoz if i do, of coz he is gonna found out! i dun want him to notice me.. ah, i also tried to take a pic of him, but i fail bcoz it's too hard!! cant have a good view..he's too close..it's really obvious if i try to take picture of him... ahhhh..i miss him already..i wish i can see him during dinner at 6:30pm XD (now is 6pm) hahahahah
eemm...what else??? dunno what to add...so..
-to be continue-
during lunch, sumthing really good happen to me..i'll tell the story later...so, anyway..that sumthing, it made me really, really, really, really happy, and then i kno, sumthing bad, real bad gonna comes up next. and how true was it. i cried during the bi class. i felt so ashame of myself!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF. I DONT BLAME ANYONE, i dont blame or hold any grudge to the person who chose me to go, or the trainer or even the one who criticize me, bcoz i kno, what they had said were the truth, and i dun mind. the one who really made me mad and angry and sad is myself. i hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO STUPID!!!!!!!! WHY THE HELL AM I LIKE THIS??????????? BEING SO OVERLY EMOTIONAL OVER SUCH SMALL MATTERS!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!! STUPID!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKIN DAMN HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our mentor even gave me some advice and all... i made such a fool out of myself. and now everyone kno how weird i am!! arghhhhh!!
ahh!! dun want to talk about this anymore...what pass have pass la. i dun want to remember it anymore, specially when it involve an unpleasant memories like this...*sigh*
...ok...about the good thing that happen...what else...about that guy la haha. i had been wanting to eat on the same table with him since..i saw him eating in the basement (meal time) XDDD and then, finally today, my wish was realized XDDDD it was like...fate lol no la... actually i didnt want to go lunch today, but my friend persuade me bcoz i didnt even took any breakfast or eat anything during tea time. i'm so glad that i did XDDD
his friend was on the same table where i and my friend were eating..so he went there to eat... at first we was like, only brought the rice lol he said sumthing like this: how silly! why did i only take the rice??? oh gawd the cuteness kills me XDDDDD hahahaha i want to cuddle him like a teddy bear XDDDD when he said that i looked at his plate and saw the rice and i tried really hard to contained myself from laughing too hard XDDD and not to mention my heart was beating like crazy bcoz he was too close XDDDDDDDD but the problem when he's so close, i cant stare at him, bcoz if i do, of coz he is gonna found out! i dun want him to notice me.. ah, i also tried to take a pic of him, but i fail bcoz it's too hard!! cant have a good view..he's too close..it's really obvious if i try to take picture of him... ahhhh..i miss him already..i wish i can see him during dinner at 6:30pm XD (now is 6pm) hahahahah
eemm...what else??? dunno what to add...so..
-to be continue-
March 17, 2010
Random talk session 128: Life in GEMS part 8
hello diary~ today is 17/3/2010. it's wednesday...
today...still bi class...aii.. dunno what to write...emm...bi class is..ordinary...still not happy... everybody is on a higher level, i feel so out of place here
i hate this GEMS stuffs. haiya. i hope time would pass more faster...i want to get out of here a.s.a.p. but still... there's someone that i am very fond of here... to just have a little glimpse of him, make my day..and i'll forgot for a while the suffering in this program...
saw him at the basement, during lunch... he was quite close this time XDDD i wanted to take some picture of him secretly, but i dun hav the opportunity*sigh* besides, there are too many people, i dun want to kantoi myself hahahaha... maybe next time la XDDD
...emm..dunno wht to say anymore...that's it i guess...
-to be continue-
today...still bi class...aii.. dunno what to write...emm...bi class is..ordinary...still not happy... everybody is on a higher level, i feel so out of place here
i hate this GEMS stuffs. haiya. i hope time would pass more faster...i want to get out of here a.s.a.p. but still... there's someone that i am very fond of here... to just have a little glimpse of him, make my day..and i'll forgot for a while the suffering in this program...
saw him at the basement, during lunch... he was quite close this time XDDD i wanted to take some picture of him secretly, but i dun hav the opportunity*sigh* besides, there are too many people, i dun want to kantoi myself hahahaha... maybe next time la XDDD
...emm..dunno wht to say anymore...that's it i guess...
-to be continue-
March 16, 2010
Random talk session 127: Life in GEMS part 7
hello diary. today is 16/3/2010. it's tuesday.
today is very tiring day. i feel so sleepy and sometimes had some headache bcoz i didnt hav enough sleep last night..here goes the story..
yesterday nite, we had a sudden meeting at 10pm. it was about the speaker corner. ifoolishly, volunteer myself to be one of the 4 speakers...well, i was just want it to be over as soon as possible... aii. i thought it's gonna be the last one, but seems like 1 participant will talk for about 4 topics. so for me, 1 down, 3 to go...
em, so my topic was "the characterictic of the best employee". The meeting ended quite late yesterday, at about 11pm. after that i went online to find some info on the topic. i came home at at about 11:30pm and then started to make the script for my presentation. I was already exhausted bcoz i never had enough sleep from the 1st time that i come here. i slept at 2am i think while still trying to memorize the script...and woke up at 7:00am...after woke up, still tried to memorize it again.... aii...so tired la!!! when i am writing this, my head feel so heavy! so much suffering here...
anyway,,about my presentation this morning. well, as always, very horrible. i just cant never able to speak well, and dun even make me to present well. i cant even talk with my closest friend properly, how do u expect me to speak or present well in front of many strangers??????????? many people said that this course will change us, will make us better in term of presentation skill, communication skills, but truthfully, i dun think i'll change that easily... it's not that i dun want to change, but it's my brain. i am not that bright, there's seriously sumthing wrong wit how my brain work... i cant think of any novel ideas and depends heavily on facts. i dun want to be like this too, but..what can i do????? this is who i am!
................................ saw him again. i thought i am not gonna c him today lol he was taking some sashin..
-to be continue-
today is very tiring day. i feel so sleepy and sometimes had some headache bcoz i didnt hav enough sleep last night..here goes the story..
yesterday nite, we had a sudden meeting at 10pm. it was about the speaker corner. i
em, so my topic was "the characterictic of the best employee". The meeting ended quite late yesterday, at about 11pm. after that i went online to find some info on the topic. i came home at at about 11:30pm and then started to make the script for my presentation. I was already exhausted bcoz i never had enough sleep from the 1st time that i come here. i slept at 2am i think while still trying to memorize the script...and woke up at 7:00am...after woke up, still tried to memorize it again.... aii...so tired la!!! when i am writing this, my head feel so heavy! so much suffering here...
anyway,,about my presentation this morning. well, as always, very horrible. i just cant never able to speak well, and dun even make me to present well. i cant even talk with my closest friend properly, how do u expect me to speak or present well in front of many strangers??????????? many people said that this course will change us, will make us better in term of presentation skill, communication skills, but truthfully, i dun think i'll change that easily... it's not that i dun want to change, but it's my brain. i am not that bright, there's seriously sumthing wrong wit how my brain work... i cant think of any novel ideas and depends heavily on facts. i dun want to be like this too, but..what can i do????? this is who i am!
................................ saw him again. i thought i am not gonna c him today lol he was taking some sashin..
-to be continue-
March 14, 2010
Random talk session 126: Life in GEMS part 6-spamming
hello diary! i'm spamming again...the 2nd post of the day..
now is 5:53pm...and i am still at the computer lab. and... suddenly he appeared! and at the moment that he came in, i dropped my pendrive's cap...lol i wonder if it was bcoz i was too shocked? haha. tho, i did kinda wish to c him not too long ago...
i heard he's talking abt the computer upstair (i think he meant in the office? or maybe in his room?) and i think he was surfing facebook lol he was saying sumthing about the computer (facebook) is too slow XD hahaha i am gonna give the same comment about gintoki: he's so cute when he's wining XDDDD hahaha
oh God, please dun make me see him again....i want to be sad and despair and in the most fear state so that i can face tomoro english class. i need all these negative feelings as my energy..i need to feel that way, so that tomoro is not gonna be as bad as it is, since it is already the worst...
-to be continue-
ps: by the time i finish writing this blog (6:08pm) he already left the room... :'(
EDIT:
it's 6:11pm. and he came back again *facepalm*
tomoro is gonna be worst than hell...
he went out at 6:20pm+ sumthing n said sumthing like want to go to sleep or sumthing hahahahahaha stop being so damn cute damn it!! XD i can imagine his cute smile XDDD oh massu, sorry, but he so wins the smile right now XDD
EDIT 2: 6:30pm he's back again lol and now wearing the man u jacket again lol and now i am kinda happy that my towel has man u logo on it hahahahahahaha
6:34 pm he's out :'C i think he went to go eat? should i stop online and stalk him at the restaurant?? XDDD hahahaha emm, oh now i kno, he was waiting for his friend XD
oh no, now it's only me in the com lab..should istalk him go out too? emm...
ah, the server is kinda good right now, so i guess i'll wait for a little while..
EDIT 3: it's 7:05 pm. out of curiousity, i tried to find his facebook and i think i found it...this guy...is...really weird...like, really weird...lol and i think he's already in a relationship. it's ok, it's ok *crying in the inside* i love to stare at him, but that's bcoz i think i like him like an idol. like how i love yamapi or yuya or massu or shige or koyama...
EDIT 27/5/2010. FALSE ALARM. THE FB THAT I SAID I FOUND WAS NOT HIS. IT WAS A MISTAKEN IDENTITY CASE. THE GUYS IS NORMAL. HE'S TOTALLY NOT WEIRD LIKE I THINK LOL
so, once again, i want to emphasize, i like him like an idol only, like how i love the NEWS members..it's not really love. i dun think i can genuinely fall in love... even before this, when i start to hav this feeling, i had predicted, that after some while, i'll forgot about him, that this feeling wont last long..but i guess, since he is still here, i'll gaze at him for a little longer...
now is 5:53pm...and i am still at the computer lab. and... suddenly he appeared! and at the moment that he came in, i dropped my pendrive's cap...lol i wonder if it was bcoz i was too shocked? haha. tho, i did kinda wish to c him not too long ago...
i heard he's talking abt the computer upstair (i think he meant in the office? or maybe in his room?) and i think he was surfing facebook lol he was saying sumthing about the computer (facebook) is too slow XD hahaha i am gonna give the same comment about gintoki: he's so cute when he's wining XDDDD hahaha
oh God, please dun make me see him again....i want to be sad and despair and in the most fear state so that i can face tomoro english class. i need all these negative feelings as my energy..i need to feel that way, so that tomoro is not gonna be as bad as it is, since it is already the worst...
-to be continue-
ps: by the time i finish writing this blog (6:08pm) he already left the room... :'(
EDIT:
it's 6:11pm. and he came back again *facepalm*
tomoro is gonna be worst than hell...
he went out at 6:20pm+ sumthing n said sumthing like want to go to sleep or sumthing hahahahahaha stop being so damn cute damn it!! XD i can imagine his cute smile XDDD oh massu, sorry, but he so wins the smile right now XDD
EDIT 2: 6:30pm he's back again lol and now wearing the man u jacket again lol and now i am kinda happy that my towel has man u logo on it hahahahahahaha
6:34 pm he's out :'C i think he went to go eat? should i stop online and stalk him at the restaurant?? XDDD hahahaha emm, oh now i kno, he was waiting for his friend XD
oh no, now it's only me in the com lab..should i
ah, the server is kinda good right now, so i guess i'll wait for a little while..
EDIT 27/5/2010. FALSE ALARM. THE FB THAT I SAID I FOUND WAS NOT HIS. IT WAS A MISTAKEN IDENTITY CASE. THE GUYS IS NORMAL. HE'S TOTALLY NOT WEIRD LIKE I THINK LOL
so, once again, i want to emphasize, i like him like an idol only, like how i love the NEWS members..it's not really love. i dun think i can genuinely fall in love... even before this, when i start to hav this feeling, i had predicted, that after some while, i'll forgot about him, that this feeling wont last long..but i guess, since he is still here, i'll gaze at him for a little longer...
