Random talk session 282

hello diary.. today is 9th of may,..

everyday is so hard now.. i am sad all the time.. i want to cry all the time.. i dont want to cry, but!! it is so hard to contain this feelings.. pls.. pls..

i dont want to feel this way.. i want to forget,,, pls let me fall for anyone else, i cant handle this feelings.. if i can fall for someone like him, most definitely i can fall for any other people, right? so pls, i beg to myself.. dont make me feel it anymore.. this crush is so painful!! i dont want it anymore... i cant take it anymore..

pls.. go away,..

i hope i can change my shift,,,

i hope he goes away asap..

seeing him everyday, hurts me everyday...

i try to avoid him, but how can i? when he is on the next shift, right after mine? when we are on the same shift??? the more i avoid him, the more it hurts when i accidentally saw him (while avoiding him).. it just makes me think about him,, even my dream cant escape from him... i hate that i m so weak, that i am such a loser, that i cant forget about him.

i already accepted that i will nvr be in a relationship with him. i know that so damn well, but why is that my feelings wont go away??? damn it go away alreadyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!! THIS CRUSH IS OVER!!!! I DONT LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO FORGET!!!!!!!!! I M SICK OF BEING SAD EVERYDAY JUST BECAUSE OF A FREAKIN GUY!!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!!! I M MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!!! I AM A STRONG PERSON!!!!!!!!!! GOD PLS HELP ME, HELP ME TO FORGET HIM...

life was so much easier before.. i would just watch seiyuu videos...think of an idea to make a gif for my tumblr.. then making the gifs itself.. i would spent so much time on this, just to make mere 4 sets of gifs..

maybe i shud do that again.. maybe that is the distraction that i need.. but, the problem is, it is so hard to concentrate when all i think about is him.. anyway, maybe it is a start..

that is all for today i guess.. hoping tomoro is a better day..