Random talk session 280

hello diary.. today is 15th of april (1.29am)

ok, more about my crush.. like, omg this guy, why does he acts so much "onee" ugh.. i just wanna facepalm.. and laugh, not at him, but at myself, for freakin fall in love wit that kinda guy.. like oh my god why does he is like that lol... anyway..  erm, so yeah, some things happened, and i got to take his pictures lol of course it happened indirectly.. i didnt ask for any pictures, but yeah, i m just so lazy to retell the story lol in short, i m just so happy that i got pictures of him XD

oh.. and earlier, i was singing "if i let you go" by westlife, and i thought about him, that i cry while singing,, oh my dear crush, you make me cry..

aii.. i dunno what else to write..that is all?

until next time..

Random talk session 279

hello diary, today is 9th of april..

just got off of work... still one nite to go..

yesterday was kinda bliss for me, coz i went to work wit him (on his car).. this is maybe one of the last chance that it is only us two.. sitting next to him, to talk to him, makes me so happy.. and now that we are apart again, i m still thinking bout him.. damn it..

i maybe look like i m avoiding him, but of coz i want to stay close to him always..

ugh.. oh feels..the feels is too much..

edit later..

hello diary,, today is 12th april.. i wanna add in some things...

so.. yeah,, thinking of my crush.. like, is just too funny.. like, so many people, and why i has to crush on him?? his biggest flaw, i m very very very bad to say this, but he is not that much of a man... lol.. kinda have this "pondan" vibe to him.. i have felt like that from the 1st time i met him. that is why, it is still a mystery that i can fall for this guy.. though he is kinda "onee" (the phrase in japanese) sometimes, but when he talk to me, he is kinda masculine i guess lol.. but when he talks to the other girls, he seriously acts too much like a girl, sometimes, he makes the gestures too, and when he does that, i'd be like so much amuse, and grins (at myself.). like..seriously man.. this guy is totally not normal. i can feel it in my bones lol and still, why??? why do i still fall for him?????? like, i m asking the same question everyday.. i kept asking myself, "WHY?? WHY HIM???"

so, i think harder... what is it that made me fall for him? what did he do? after much thought, maybe  it is bcoz he is such a family man.. i can see he cares for his family very much,, he gives his mother money every month, even though his salary is not that much. he also afford to buy his own car using his own hard earn money. i respect that kinda guy. and i guess, after a while, the respect kinda turns to love... he is really a great guy. the way he treats his family with so much love and care, makes me want to be a part of his family too.. oh my god, i m getting all teary again.. i will nvr find guy like him again.. i m so sad..

tat is all for today..

Random talk session 278

Hello diary today is 8th april.

So sad.  So sad.  Being too near to crush is so freakin sad to me. The thought of being so close to him is making me very happy, but when i m actually is near him it is so painful. I m keeping my poker face,cant even hav proper conversation with him. I hate the way i am.. I hate tis feeling, it makes me wanna cry..  

Why do i hav to fall for him???? The wall i created in my heart should be not tis weak. I just wanna obsessed wit anime characters and seiyuu not real person that i see almost evrday. I am hungry,but being near him makes me wanna vomit, so i ended not finishing my dinner.. I woke up in the morning, and the 1st thing i think about is him, and he makes my stomach hurt and makes me hav no appetite even though i m actually very hungry..arghhhhh...do u think i like this feeling???  Freakin no!!!  

Ugh being human so hard.. I just wanna be happy..yes. seeing him makes me happy but he makes me sad even more.  Ughhhhhh... Damn all this emotion!!!! When are you gonnA go away? Till he finally go away? Yes, he is going away, and that makes me even more sad.. Ugh tears are coming out i better stop tis here..

Bye.. 

Random talk session 277

hello diary.. today is 4th april..

erm.. still struggling wit my feelings.. i thought i was over him, but ugh, why do i still feel happy when i think about him..

i need to get over him. and ASAP. Oh pls heart, pls dont do this anymore.. i m already hurt so much now...

i dont suppose to fall in love so easily.. even though i hav been working wit the guy for this long, i nvr had any feelings towards him.. so, why does i felt this way now?? as i remember.. it started with jealously i guess? becoz he was my partner all this time, so when he suddenly partner wit other people, i felt kinda jealous? is this right?? am i really jealous? but if i got jealous, doesnt that mean, that i actually felt he was special to me all this time? but since he was always there i always take him for granted?? really? ahh.. i dont think so. but i think so too.. i dunno anymore.. all i know is i really, really am falling for him now..

ahhh.. it still hurts. love hurts my heart.. i cant.. i cant.. freakin stop..damn it..

i think of him too much, i will definitely be too shy to see him again in 2 days.. and yet, i cant wait to see him again..

ugh i cant handle this feelings..

am i this desperate to fall in love?? that i fall for just anyone, that is in my vicinity?? and since he was the one that i met the most, that i fall for him?? is that the reason for this crush?? i cant answer that at all..


that is all for today.

until next time...

Random talk session 276

Hello diary.. today is 3rd of april.12:52 am.. i m still not sleeping even though i got work tomoro morning..

anyway..erm, so i was re-reading my entry years ago (i didnt post it here, but i save it on my hard disk), when i also had a crush on someone.. from the way i m writing it. i can say, it's the same feeling i m having now...

and now, i dont feel anything towards the guy anymore.. just a matter of time for me to get over on my current crush too.. heh,the more i think about it, the more i feel like i m getting over it.. bit by bit.. it is a good thing i guess.. i dont feel the butterly in my stomach when i think of him now..



oh well..

.... the feelings are gradually gone now..

that was fast, eh?

until later.. bye..

Random talk session 275

hello diary. today is 1st of april (1.24am now)

damn it, i am helplessly in love damn it.. the world suddenly feels wonderful, just becoz he freakin call me (tho, it was only mere coincidence. if t was not there, anyone could have received the call from him..). I just happened to be there.. . Reality is being too damn nice to me recently.. i think some bad things is just waiting to happen. Before that, let me hang onto tis wonderful feeling..

so, i didnt mention it, but my crush is going home (holiday) for a few days. i m gonna miss him. My plan today was, i wanted to say "good bye" to him.. but i got to the lab a little late, so i didnt even get to see him.. "oh well" that was i thought.. maybe i will use this time to calm  my feelings down. i know i m gonna miss him, but being apart from him is for the better. i cant handle my feelings if i m near him.. so anyway, so there i was, was busy doing my things.. when suddenly, my coworker hand over his phone, and said it is "him" and he wanted to talk to me. Like, i was already accepting the fact that i m not gonna see him for while, and suddenly, i got to hear his voice.. this bliss, it is so much..  i was so happy, my hand were trembling.. i kept thinking of him, i almost vomit on my dinner..

why am i so hopelessly, helplessly, in love with this guy..

why.. oh why..