Random talk session 281

hello diary..today is 4th of may..

so.. it has been, 2 weeks that i didnt write here.. nothing much happened i guess.. i didnt get to see him that much, and i admit, i really miss him. 

i miss him. yet, i try to avoid him. just like the other day, i use a different door to exit the lab coz i dun want to see him.. coz, i know, if i saw him, it will just make me miss him more. ugh. 

there are things, i want to talk to him, but my mouth just wont say it.. as a result, i didnt even talk properly to him.. i.. i hate that i m so awkward wit him.. 

so, the other day, our group, kinda has a bbq session at a park nearby, and we stayed overnight. i m not use to these kinda things (things like group activity..i m an introvert ok, i hate crowds and hate social activities).. while the others are enjoying themselves,i just stay quiet at the corner alone, not saying anything.. i felt kinda alone. but then, he ask me, "why are u so quiet?" i know, he is just saying that, bcoz he is a good people person, but still, it make me extremely happy, i started to cry after that.. (and since i was alone, nobody notice..). I was seriously feeling down, coz i feel like i didnt belong, but when he ask me that, suddenly, those feelings doesnt matter anymore. It is bcoz it was him that ask me the question.. how can i explain this feelings???? i.. i.. *sigh*

ok, so next day, i was working the day shift wit him.. unusually, things werent awkward much that day. i speak to him casually, and he was kinda, kind (?) to me.. i was feeling cloud nine that day i guess lol.. but of course, the next day, things become awkward again lol like, ugh

seriously, i just cant get myself to talk to him properly, if there are things he wants to give, he just gives it to me. no words exchange. like, my mind cant process what to say to him at all, so i just stay quiet. ugh.

ok, that is all for today i guess.. not much to tell anymore.. i just,, miss him..so dearly..