Random talk session 135: Life in GEMS part 15

hello diary..today is 30th mac. it's wed...

emm....we will have the 2nd preliminary round for debate tonite..our company will be facing Ruby...wuu...i hope we can win..

i am involve in sales presention...but it doesnt go really well it seems...emm... i kinda hope we can go to the final at least...

yesterday finally i saw the guy XDD i didnt see him for 2 days, so i am really glad when he came to the debate 1st preliminary XDDDD

and then, this morning, i saw him again XDD as usual, he is taking pictures of the class..haha.. also, i saw him earlier too...he was bringing some kotak to the lab com?? or sumthing...

emm..i am still feeling not good today..so...

-to be continue-

Random talk session 134: Life in GEMS part 14

hello diary~ today is 28/3/2010. it's sunday..

emm....yesterday (sat) didnt c the guy...and today too...i wonder wht's he's doing..where he is..i didnt even see him during lunch or dinner...emmm...

ahh...on friday..i took off the decoration in the office...i think i made quite a stir...aiiii...i feel so guilty!!!! what should i do to repent???? .............i am so sad.....

tomoro start english class...wuuu...

emm...i have no idea...

wait...i dreamt of NEWS.. i have been neglecting them for quite some time ever since i start stalking the guy...haha..i am such a bad fan!!! i am so sorry oh my dear NEWS....

oh, and on fri, finally watched hyoutei eternity's perf in tenipuri festa..i lol-ed XDDDD hahaah...i dun kno...it's kinda funny...i still love the guy nonetheless XDD

ok, no more idea again..

-to be continue-

Random talk session 133: Life in GEMS part 13

hello diary! today is 26/3/2010. it's friday...

emm...today..no class, but we have a public speaking competition between companies. sadly, we didnt win. Our representatives (zarina n aizuddin) did a good job, it's just they were not lucky enough to pick the hard topic...well, better luck next time i guess... oh, addditional note, that termizi guy was so funny! haha he's so selamba~ haha.. in the end, he was like, "peace!" and said "spread love!!" lol and that aziz iban guy, also funny...he said he dun really sing english song, but only sing iban songs hahaha...and also, lol @ aizuddin, singing "i believe i can fly" hahaha

ok..next, on the afternoon, at 4:30pm we have sport activities...i was watching the ping pong competition..again, we lost...but i think our team done a very very good job!!!! ian and rizal, GOOD JOB!!!

....next topic~~ about the cute guy...during the sport activity, i saw him XD at one time, he was just in front of me...he's sooooooo cute~~~ i feel like kissing his cheek..HIS CHEEK, OK!!!!!!!! NOT THAT KINDA KISS!! ahh...why so cute...

oh, i also saw the guy in the morning during the public speaking corner...he was in front of me too...not that close, but not that far too also..like, medium only XD i was staring at him while trying to avoid eye contact wit him...i really hope he didnt notice me...... i am a really twisted girl in the inside... i dun want the person that i like to kno my existence, and most importantly, i dun want him to kno my feelings...aii..so complicated..

during the short break of the public speaking, there was a acara selingan, and one of our company member read a joke...but sadly seems like nobody get the joke, even that guy, haha. i was really amused seeing the guy looking blur XD haha blur blur pun, masih nampk kiut XDDDD hahahah

emm...what else..oh, a little about the class..

on tuesday and monday was the grooming module..our trainer was haji shukri. it was..kinda fun i guess XD eventho i really dislike doing make up and stuffs...

and then on wed and thurs is the project management module. we were soooo busy!!!! omg really busy!!! that's y i didnt hav time to update my blog...

on wed, we work until 12:30am to finish the slide show...

on thursay nite pula, we hav auditoring session...thank goodness i didnt get chosen to be interview... we went back at a bout 11pm...

and my 2nd speaker corner was on thursday. my topic was the advantage of self employment..as usual, my speech is bleh....

emm...need to do sumthing..i guess that's all...

-to be continue-

Random talk session 132: Life in GEMS part 12

hello diary~ today is 23/3/2010 it's tuesday...

yesterday...was a tough day..in all means...i dun want to talk about it...

emm...yesterday...i didnt eat anything...wow...i didnt have breakfast, lunch or dinner...and this morning, i didnt take any breakfast too..and now it's lunch time, and i am still not eating, but doing this blog entry instead... i am surprised i am still have the energy now...*sigh* oh, i also didnt drink anything since yesterday afternoon..omg..i am surprised i can hold that long. usually i can tahan x makan, but i really cant tahan x minum...well...it's obvious, i was really, really, really sad yesterday. it is officially one the black moments in my life...well..like i said, life goes on. i cant dwell on it for long time...

what else...about that guy..emm...did i saw him yesterday let me think..oh yes, i did. now i remember. i saw him when i was about to go to lunch, while waiting for my friend near the stairchase to the basement...

and that's it...i didnt see him again after that T_T

today i saw him at our office XD ah, why so cute~ and to be honest, he's really distracting. esp when he's behind me...and when he's in front of me...he became more distracting..i just want to stare at him forever..XD

emm...that's all..

oh yeah, today i'm a little sick...has slight fever...i woke up wit the weirdest voice..haha..

that's all for today..

-to be continue-

Random talk session 131: Life in GEMS part 11

hello diary~ it's 21/3/2010. it's sunday...emm....

today also didnt see him... i didnt see him for 2 days now..where are u???? T_T aitakata... last nite, i dreamt of him again.. and it's the 3rd time in a row XDDD

woke up wit a sore throat...ahh...so uncomfortable... i think i am gonna be sick after a few days...aii..

emm...yesterday..i berendam in the tub. hahaha. and i berendam so late, at 12am.. is that related to my sore throat? haha..

at noon, i went to the everise to buy sumthing for the office..i also bought ANOTHER shoes. aaaghhh..i hope this is the last shoe i need to buy... also bought some make up stuffs..haiya..next week is grooming..i am so uninterested wit this kinda thing...

that's all...

-to be continue-

Random talk session 130: Life in GEMS part 10

hello diary. today is 20/3/2010. it's saturday.

today...i didnt see him T_T

last nite, was the voting for the new CEO. i saw him on the way to the office...after the voting we went to the basement, for the so-called induction for the new GEMS participants. i saw him again.. i notice sumthing about this guy, so small, but he laugh so loud! haha! i think he's the Do-S type hahaha.

emm....what else...dun much to say...

-to be continue-

Random talk session 129: Life in GEMS part 9

hello diary! today is 18/3/2010. it's thursday.

during lunch, sumthing really good happen to me..i'll tell the story later...so, anyway..that sumthing, it made me really, really, really, really happy, and then i kno, sumthing bad, real bad gonna comes up next. and how true was it. i cried during the bi class. i felt so ashame of myself!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF. I DONT BLAME ANYONE, i dont blame or hold any grudge to the person who chose me to go, or the trainer or even the one who criticize me, bcoz i kno, what they had said were the truth, and i dun mind. the one who really made me mad and angry and sad is myself. i hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO STUPID!!!!!!!! WHY THE HELL AM I LIKE THIS??????????? BEING SO OVERLY EMOTIONAL OVER SUCH SMALL MATTERS!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!! STUPID!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FREAKIN DAMN HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our mentor even gave me some advice and all... i made such a fool out of myself. and now everyone kno how weird i am!! arghhhhh!!

ahh!! dun want to talk about this anymore...what pass have pass la. i dun want to remember it anymore, specially when it involve an unpleasant memories like this...*sigh*

...ok...about the good thing that happen...what else...about that guy la haha. i had been wanting to eat on the same table with him since..i saw him eating in the basement (meal time) XDDD and then, finally today, my wish was realized XDDDD it was like...fate lol no la... actually i didnt want to go lunch today, but my friend persuade me bcoz i didnt even took any breakfast or eat anything during tea time. i'm so glad that i did XDDD

his friend was on the same table where i and my friend were eating..so he went there to eat... at first we was like, only brought the rice lol he said sumthing like this: how silly! why did i only take the rice??? oh gawd the cuteness kills me XDDDDD hahahaha i want to cuddle him like a teddy bear XDDDD when he said that i looked at his plate and saw the rice and i tried really hard to contained myself from laughing too hard XDDD and not to mention my heart was beating like crazy bcoz he was too close XDDDDDDDD but the problem when he's so close, i cant stare at him, bcoz if i do, of coz he is gonna found out! i dun want him to notice me.. ah, i also tried to take a pic of him, but i fail bcoz it's too hard!! cant have a good view..he's too close..it's really obvious if i try to take picture of him... ahhhh..i miss him already..i wish i can see him during dinner at 6:30pm XD (now is 6pm) hahahahah

eemm...what else??? dunno what to add...so..

-to be continue-

Random talk session 128: Life in GEMS part 8

hello diary~ today is 17/3/2010. it's wednesday...

today...still bi class...aii.. dunno what to write...emm...bi class is..ordinary...still not happy... everybody is on a higher level, i feel so out of place here

i hate this GEMS stuffs. haiya. i hope time would pass more faster...i want to get out of here a.s.a.p. but still... there's someone that i am very fond of here... to just have a little glimpse of him, make my day..and i'll forgot for a while the suffering in this program...

saw him at the basement, during lunch... he was quite close this time XDDD i wanted to take some picture of him secretly, but i dun hav the opportunity*sigh* besides, there are too many people, i dun want to kantoi myself hahahaha... maybe next time la XDDD

...emm..dunno wht to say anymore...that's it i guess...

-to be continue-

Random talk session 127: Life in GEMS part 7

hello diary. today is 16/3/2010. it's tuesday.

today is very tiring day. i feel so sleepy and sometimes had some headache bcoz i didnt hav enough sleep last night..here goes the story..

yesterday nite, we had a sudden meeting at 10pm. it was about the speaker corner. i foolishly, volunteer myself to be one of the 4 speakers...well, i was just want it to be over as soon as possible... aii. i thought it's gonna be the last one, but seems like 1 participant will talk for about 4 topics. so for me, 1 down, 3 to go...

em, so my topic was "the characterictic of the best employee". The meeting ended quite late yesterday, at about 11pm. after that i went online to find some info on the topic. i came home at at about 11:30pm and then started to make the script for my presentation. I was already exhausted bcoz i never had enough sleep from the 1st time that i come here. i slept at 2am i think while still trying to memorize the script...and woke up at 7:00am...after woke up, still tried to memorize it again.... aii...so tired la!!! when i am writing this, my head feel so heavy! so much suffering here...

anyway,,about my presentation this morning. well, as always, very horrible. i just cant never able to speak well, and dun even make me to present well. i cant even talk with my closest friend properly, how do u expect me to speak or present well in front of many strangers??????????? many people said that this course will change us, will make us better in term of presentation skill, communication skills, but truthfully, i dun think i'll change that easily... it's not that i dun want to change, but it's my brain. i am not that bright, there's seriously sumthing wrong wit how my brain work... i cant think of any novel ideas and depends heavily on facts. i dun want to be like this too, but..what can i do????? this is who i am!

................................ saw him again. i thought i am not gonna c him today lol he was taking some sashin..

-to be continue-

Random talk session 126: Life in GEMS part 6-spamming

hello diary! i'm spamming again...the 2nd post of the day..

now is 5:53pm...and i am still at the computer lab. and... suddenly he appeared! and at the moment that he came in, i dropped my pendrive's cap...lol i wonder if it was bcoz i was too shocked? haha. tho, i did kinda wish to c him not too long ago...

i heard he's talking abt the computer upstair (i think he meant in the office? or maybe in his room?) and i think he was surfing facebook lol he was saying sumthing about the computer (facebook) is too slow XD hahaha i am gonna give the same comment about gintoki: he's so cute when he's wining XDDDD hahaha

oh God, please dun make me see him again....i want to be sad and despair and in the most fear state so that i can face tomoro english class. i need all these negative feelings as my energy..i need to feel that way, so that tomoro is not gonna be as bad as it is, since it is already the worst...

-to be continue-

ps: by the time i finish writing this blog (6:08pm) he already left the room... :'(

EDIT:

it's 6:11pm. and he came back again *facepalm*

tomoro is gonna be worst than hell...

he went out at 6:20pm+ sumthing n said sumthing like want to go to sleep or sumthing hahahahahaha stop being so damn cute damn it!! XD i can imagine his cute smile XDDD oh massu, sorry, but he so wins the smile right now XDD

EDIT 2: 6:30pm he's back again lol and now wearing the man u jacket again lol and now i am kinda happy that my towel has man u logo on it hahahahahahaha

6:34 pm he's out :'C i think he went to go eat? should i stop online and stalk him at the restaurant?? XDDD hahahaha emm, oh now i kno, he was waiting for his friend XD

oh no, now it's only me in the com lab..should i stalk him go out too? emm...

ah, the server is kinda good right now, so i guess i'll wait for a little while..

EDIT 3: it's 7:05 pm. out of curiousity, i tried to find his facebook and i think i found it...this guy...is...really weird...like, really weird...lol and i think he's already in a relationship. it's ok, it's ok *crying in the inside* i love to stare at him, but that's bcoz i think i like him like an idol. like how i love yamapi or yuya or massu or shige or koyama...
EDIT 27/5/2010. FALSE ALARM. THE FB THAT I SAID I FOUND WAS NOT HIS. IT WAS A MISTAKEN IDENTITY CASE. THE GUYS IS NORMAL. HE'S TOTALLY NOT WEIRD LIKE I THINK LOL

so, once again, i want to emphasize, i like him like an idol only, like how i love the NEWS members..it's not really love. i dun think i can genuinely fall in love... even before this, when i start to hav this feeling, i had predicted, that after some while, i'll forgot about him, that this feeling wont last long..but i guess, since he is still here, i'll gaze at him for a little longer...

Random talk session 125: Life in GEMS Part 5-hate and love

hello dairy. today is 14/3/2010, it's sunday..

i am still sad about the english placement...and getting nervous since the class start tomoro. DOOMSDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! i like blogging in english but i totally totally hate to speak in english!!! cant they freakin understand?????? arghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like cyring everytime i think of this. i cant stand it....i cant...

tomoro..is...gonna...be...hell.......

ok...i'll stop being emo now, and talk about...ya kno..the happy thing XD today...saw him again during lunch time.. i didnt expect to c him there XD haha

yesterday, i went to the secretriat's office to ask about the timesheet. i was sooo nervous that he might be in the room XDDDDDDDDDDD but at the same time, i want to c him..but i dun want him to c me, i dun want to talk to him.. i opened the door very, very slowly, so that i can prepare myself haha thankfully, he was not there! haha XDDD

i guess the only times i got to talk to him was during the register day...ops, i'll stop at that XDDDDD i cant reveal too much information XDDDD i'll start to giggle everytime i think of that..bcoz it's kinda funny...the only thing that i talk to him about..haha..

anyway, during the register day, i was still nervous and blur. i didnt even notice the guy until i sat down on the chair and lift my head to talk to him...and then i think something "spark" inside of me...wait..or maybe it was just me thinking he's too young to be one of the secretriat of GEMS lol anyway, where was i...oh! after that, i didnt really think of him, bcoz i was feeling sad that i had to join this GEMS program...and that nite, during induction, i saw him again...

the next day... i saw him again... and before i knew it... i start to feel like i want to c him again and again and again and again and again...

...omg...wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! during the explorace...i think i was too excited, so i was shouting and he was there too. he must have heard me and thought i'm crazy???? omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DIES*

-to be continue-

Random talk session 124: Life in GEMS Part 4-i hate speaking english

hello diary. today is 13/3/10 it's saturday...

writing from the com lab. right now i am so sad and frustated, and sad and angry and sad and sad and sad...and sad...

the english test result..dh keluar. see, i dunno how to say that in english, see how bad it is!!!!!! WTH do i hav to be put in the high class???????????? arghhhHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE GETTING OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO STUPID WHEN I ANSWERED THE TEST!!! I AM TOO DAMN NAIVE AND DUN THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES!!!!! ARGHHHH I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE PURPOSELY CHOOSE THE WRONG ANSWER SO THAT I WILL NOT END UP IN THE HIGH CLASS!!!!!!

when i'm blogging, i always use simple english and my grammar sux like hell!!!! and my english speaking ability is the worst of the worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now i have to compete with the other people who use english as their 1st language!!!!! I'm TOTALLY DOOM!!!!!!!! i dun really mind if it only involve me, but this also involve my company!!! i am gonna bring our company's BKSE down for goodnesss sake!!!!!!!! I WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and then...he just had to show up wearing a man u bright red jacket which was supposed to make him look like a cool handsome man but fail just bcoz he's too damn cute in my eyes...and i cried....i still want to stay here just to have a glimpse of him. i'm pathetic. i better jump of some cliff right now....

..to be continue....

Random talk session 123: Life in GEMS Part 3

Hello diarY!!! today is 12th of mac!! it's friday!!!

i am at penview!!! joining the GEMS program...emm....i've been here 5 days already...but it felt longer....aii...baru 5 days...

about GEMS...omg..so tiring...and also..seems like this is gonna be a raal challenge to me...aiii..admin and bussiness...and project manageemnt...i dunno abt all that la...i am not really interested...i want to work in a closed environment actually..aiii....BUT...BUT!!! BUT!!!!!! omg....i...i..i...should i say it here????? i hope nobody reads it...but it's gonna be very very very very very very embarassing if any of my friends or any of the GEMS participate found this blog 0_o

ok...la...i tell la..but to be safe, i want to do it in japanese XD

koko wa, kawaii no hito ga iru!! cho kawaiiiii!!! DAISUKI DESU!!!!!!! demo, kono hito no namae ga shiranai lol i m becoming like kondo and sa-chan...a stalker XDD hahaha

seriously, watashi wa, kono hito ga zutto kangaiimasu (lol, i think this is a wrong sentence XDDD). i dun even think of my dear NEWS-tachi anymore *bricked real hard*

..to be continue...

Random talk session 122: GEMS Part 2

hello diary! today is 5/3/2010. it's friday morning...1:12am now...

ok, i should write about the interview for GEMS last Monday earlier, but i didn't bcoz i was busy trying to dwld Gintama but failed in all darn times!! grrrrr!!!

so anyway...

on 1/3/2010, last Monday i went to Penview hotel for the GEMS interview. i dunno where the venue and was kinda lost. then, there was 1 guy told me that the GEMS session is at level 1 (i was at Ground Level). So, i went to the lift to go to level 1 and suddenly there was this girl called out to me, "malini ka?" she said. i replied yes XD i didnt kno her, (but she does look kinda familiar XD) i was like: ehh?? how she know me? lol turns out she was a friend of my friend XD

and then we went to this 1 room for the interview. we were the 1st ones lol

the interviewers came at 10am. and then they make a brief introduction about GEMS. after that we fill in a form and submitted misc certificates.

and then finally the interview. we were asked to make some kind of self introduction, tell our name, background and then why want to join GEMS, in english D:

......and then, it was my turn. omg, i look pretty calm on the outside, but the inside, everything goes all haywire!! my heart pumping like crazy, my mind going insane with intensity!!! and then, the result, me sprouting nonsense!!! arghhhhh!!! i really hate presenting (read: i hate people looking at me). what said was really a messed!

emm...really wish my english was better. i have been blogging in english 3 years. Looking back at my old blog entry in MP, it really bad (i actually feel ashamed reading them lolz
) lol esp my grammar, and i think i still sux at it now XDDD my vocabulary is quite ok i guess, but darn my grammar. *shakes head* ...anyway, like i said, 3 years. writing comment, interacting wit my fellow online friends for 3 years, i wonder if that has increase my english speaking ability a little bit..eventho i didnt really interact orally..

emm...what else...emm..oh, earlier, at abt 8pm, the person from GEMS called me, so i am confirmed to join in. Gonna go to Kuching this saturday. Register on Sunday, at Penview again. emm...

i've activated my broadband last tuesday, but the connection is really, really, very unstable!!! what's wrong celcom????? it's making me very angry!!! i need to watch and dwld gintama bfor i went to kuch this saturday yo!!! please!!!!!!!!!!

ok, that's all. *sigh* maybe i'll update times to times abt this GEMS...hope there's pc for me to online during the course...