Random talk session 273: ah, i cant handle my heart

hello diary.. today is 28th march. 

erm, last year i was in singapore at tis time lol

i would hav been more excited if i m not busy handling my freakin feelings...

damn it,, my feelings has been worsen since that day i knew, i had a freakin crush..

the butterfly in the stomach feelings that i got, is making me all sick.. i have no appetite, always want to go to the toilet, cant sleep at night..  i cant stop thinking about him!! this feelings is seriously killing me.. before this, i can sleep for 20hours, but now i will suddenly wake up in the night, and begin to think of him, and i ended cant go to sleep at all! ugh it is so freakin painful!! i feel like crying, my chest wanna burst, i wanna scream!! ughhhhhh it is seriously driving me crazy!! when he flirts wit other girls my feels starts to stir up, gah i really hate that feeling the most..

.. but alas, when i got to see him, that feeling of ecstasy, is also something that i want to feel forever. aiihh,,damn it all.. 

so, today, i got to my work place, and went straight to where i was working, i dun want to see him at all. then, i need to call the boss to ask her about something, and guess who pick up the phone.. yes, it's him. just hearing his voice makes my heart bloom, i shout to my head "hey there, i miss you". a few moments later, he also came to the *ttt* and even though i kept a poker face, my inner self is all screaming... the plan was, i wanted to avoid him the whole today, but i cant after all.. 

ughh... i hate myself. what the hell happened that made me feel this way.. life was so much simpler when i was obsessing on some seiyuu,,, 

ok diary, that is all today. erm, some bad things happened to him, and i feel so sad for him. i just hope he will get over it anyway. 

until next time! bye~!

Random talk session 272: damn it heart

hello diary. today is 25th of march, i m writing tis at 1.30am lol 

ok.. lately.. i think i m beginning to crush on somebody, again. for the nth infinite times. seriously, i hate myself, for being so easily to fall for someone. i despise myself. i hate tis feelings. like i want to scream. it is better to have obsession for some artist/idol/actor/seiyuu/anime character even. Having a crush on real life person that u see and meet everyday is so painful..

why am i suddenly feeling this way towards him???????? i have known the guy for quite some times but i never had this feeling...erm, maybe becoz my suzu's obsession is getting, sad to say, declining now. heh, my suzu's obsession was really on fire last year, but now, i dont feel as passionate. it's always become like this.. when i got obsessed wit something, it is not for so long. for example, the jpop band, NEWS, wow, my obsession level was, really, something back then. but now, i dont feel anything at all towards them. i m such a cruel person. i hate the way i am. i want to be loyal, but my feelings just dont last that much. 

so, yeah, tis current crush too, will also come to an end. i just hope it will end faster... 

thinking of him makes me feels happy, seeing him makes me even happier. but i still hate this feeling. when i like someone, i get to conscious of the person. "if i do this, what would he think?? you get me?? like, everything i do or say, i m always concern of what he might think about it. 

i dont want to be near him (becoz he makes my heart beats fast.. ) but after all, of coz i want to be near him all the time, see, how complicated is my feelings??? like earlier.. i kinda hav a feeling someone was behind me, and he like, appeared suddenly. and my heart start to do it thing, and cant even say anything to him. i want to say something, but i kept quiet. like what the hell brain???? i know what i wanted to ask, but my mouth just dun want to say it,. i ended doing other things (whilst thinking of him..damn what the hell, me..)

.... so painful. this feeling is so painful.

that is all diary. maybe i do an update on this current crush later lol

Random talk session 271: Looking back..

hello diary.. today is 14th of march 2016. ah, it is not a good year. lately, i dont feel good at all, sad and angry all the time. life is so hard.. i hate feeling this way..

anyway, that is not my main point today. i wanna talk about what fandom i got into last year.

1. House MD
- Good show. tis year i havent found good tv series to watch.. supernatural is getting ridiculous and boring. I absolutely given up watching once upon a time, it is a good show, but i really cant stand all the drama and conflict..

2. Kamen Rider Den-o
- Also Kamen rider kabuto, After that i tried watching the other rider series too, but i m so lazy.. really wanna check out wizard, but ughhh so lazy.. anyways, den-o is still the best for me.

And for this year, it is, Bob's burger lol It is a good show. Very funny family show. For once, the father is not crazy (like peter or homer). My fav character is Tina lol

ah, this is why i dont write here anymore. no idea at all...

that is all i guess?

Random talk session 270: 2016 already

hello diary. it's 3rd january today. and it's 2016. wow, i got to admit, i totally abandon this site.

as it is the new year, let's do the meme!! start!


2015

What fandoms did you acquire in 2015?
.... erm.. none? 1 thing for sure, i got more deep into seiyuu more specifically suzu fandom lolz

What fandoms did you let go of in 2015?
... dun hav that much fandom to even let go.. erm,maybe terashii lol.. ok, he was one of my obsession in 2014 but i dont feel it anymore starting last year, i guess it's because i m pouring too much love to suzu lolz oh, i remember, also gintama.. i dont feel the love anymore.. ermm..

What fandoms do you intend on checking out in 2016?
erm.. what ever catches my eyes i guess? i wonder who/what it will  be..

i cut more than half the questions. i used to write more before, but now i m so bore and lazy to do it anymore.. and i feel like i m always so tired and mad all the time. it's so frustrating..

ok, for this year, i didnt celebrate at the lab, i was working on the 4pm shift, yeah, so when it was 12am, i was on my back back from work.. nothing special tis year..

oh, also, i m thinking of going to japan this year.. hoping i can do this..

ok that's all.. until,...next year? lol..sorry diary,...

Random talk session 269: i watched kamen rider? lol

hello diary! today is 9th june. it's tuesday. today, wanna talk about how i ended up watching kamen rider den o and fell in love wit the characters.

ok, so, yeah, the past month, i was kinda in kamiya x suzu mood, so, one day, i was like, erm, i wanna hear kamen radiranger recent radio. so i did, i downloaded ep 137. one of the segment is kinda, "misheard lyric" of various tokutatsu songs, and suzu's ryuutaros was one of it. i was so amused of that part, that i repeated it so many times, that i begin to like that song. it was only a snippet though, so i google the song, and found the full version. so, i listen to it, and yeah, i love it. i was addicted to the song. repeated it for a few hundreds lol until one day, i was actually curious of the show itself. and i wanna hear suzu as ryuutaros. the reason that i m actually willing to watch den o, is really bcoz i wanna hear suzu as ryuutaros. so, my other anime, are put into on hold. everything on hold for the sake of hearing ryuutaros lol.. at first, i was only gonna watch a few episode until ryuutaros appears.. but then, i found the show is not that bad, ops, let me rephrase, the humor is not bad. heck, who am i kidding. the humor is the best lol the show is so funny, I LOVE IT! so yeah, instead of only watching ryuutaros, i watch it until the end. i watched the 49 episodes in less than a week. up to now, i havent watch the movie though. i feel like if i finish it all, then, there will be really the end of den o for me. so sad, well. i will watch the movie, sooner or later.. 

ok, next, wanna talk about my impressions of the characters. firstly, nogami ryotarou. i need to say tis. seriously, the very first thing that really get my attention is, his voice, it is so... how to say?? the really "wimpy/week character" voice?? like, i dunno how to describe it man.. like, he sounds like he has no energy or something lol anyway.. so then... his momotaros human version, is so crude and violence lol,, then, urataros human version, is. actually, i like him lol  XD he got tis image of a playboy but he has a very handsome appearance XD and then, kintaros's version, um, maa maa only.. and lastly, ryuutaros XD actually i dun really like his human version. kinda looks like a pyscho lol but his voice tho ughhh damn!!! i love him, really XD 

then.. after a few episodes, then, there this character, sakurai yuuto, the moment that he appeared, i was like, "OMG CUTIE PIE ANGEL, WHERE HAS YOU BEEN IN MY LIFE????? I LOVE YOUUUUUU" LOL and i think i saw him before? the guy wit the same name wit youkyan.. lol i dunno how the hell did i knew, but it was really him. the guy that i've been despising for years coz he got the same name as youkyan. also, bcoz of the same name, he also appears on the tumblr tag, and when that happen, i be like: "who the hell is tis guy? get out. i wanna see my youkyan, not you" i cried at my old self. i was hating him just bcoz he got the same name wit one of my fav seiyuu lol i m sorry yuuichi-kun. yeah, i m kinda call him that lol so yeah..  seriously, when he first appears, it's what the japanese says, "kyuunto suru" lol i dunno how to say in other language.. 

when he first appears, he looks badass and all tough and mighty and arrogant lol but then, after a few scenes, deneb appears, and this yuuto character suddenly become kinda "dame da" person lol he's so cute!!! deneb is also so funny and cute XD they are so cute i just cant!!! lol ahhh.. so, yeah, after finishing the series, i made a top 4 fav character.. 

4: nogami - at first, i didnt feel anything about him. he's so week, and timid, and.. you know. but when he was possessed by the imagin, he turned to some quite a character, so i guess he's slowly growing on me. 

3. yuuto - read above lol 

2. deneb - also read above lol deneb's just so cute and funny~! he also cares about yuuto a lot~

1. ryuutaros - reason: freakin suzu

................ and then, i watched the 1st live event. and. what the hell nogami, or rather, the actor, freakin sato takeru. wht the hell, why u so cute???  why?? why??? no i think i actually like him better than yuuichi-kun XDD ughhh he's so cute~ and so, i got interested in him, and found out he's actually the one acting as rurouni kenshin's live action.. he is also gonna be mashiro for bakuman's live action. thanks to den o, i think i am actually liking him, and yeah, he's become one of the people that i will be always look out for in the entertainment world.

ah, this has become one long post, so i m gonna stop here. 

until next time~ bye!

Random talk session 268

hello diary. today is 8th may. it is a friday

ok.. i feel like i need to write this lol. 

last year i was so excited when they announced a new digimon adv series. New info just came out a few days, and how disappointed i was when i found out that most of the human casts are all replaced..!! i m so devastated then i went to youtube to hear the memorial version of the butter-fly song. then, suddenly, i was like, erm, actually i was not really sure how, but i ended up watching the memorial version for digimon frontier's opening. actually there are 2 things i can remember:

1. i was actually wanted to hear the biggest dreamers' memorial version from digimon tamers. so i clicked the digimon frontier's memorial song thinking it might leads me to the digimon tamers' song (from the related videos). 

2. i knew suzu was also in digimon's franchise, so i wanted to hear him in the memorial version? so i click on the song?

anyway, so i watch it.. and heard suzu in a heart beat and he sounds so cute i just cant!! like omgggg he sounds so young and cute and innocent and ugh ugh ugh i just want to hug him and protect him from the world's evil lol i was over the cloud hearing him singing so ugh ugh ugh.. there was also one voice that i like when i heard the song, and kinda familiar, but my mind was fill wit suzu suzu suzu suzu ugh ugh ugh and my brain was like,"ugh i dun want to think about it, i'll google the singer later" lololol and so i did, do u do how much shock i was when i found out that it was kamiya??? lol this few days, i was repeating kamiya's and suzu's regal version so much, and yet i failed to recognize kamiya's voice when i heard frontier's memorial song.. lol but, honestly, it was bcoz i was too excited of hearing suzu singing cutely lolol anyway, yeah.. after that, i kinda become interested in the frontier's series lol.. but i was too lazy to watch another anime..  so i read kouji and kouichi's bio on wiki, and read the synopsis of the anime lolol and just now i was like listening to their drama cd.. omg koichi and koji are so cute!! just what it is wit suzu and twins! they are always so cute lol i cant help smiling hearing the drama cds nnngghhhhh i need more suzu and kamiya now lololol

ok, that is all for today lol

Random talk session 267

hello diary! today is 1st of may. need to update my anime lol

ok, it's summer anime i think right?

erm, this season, i m watching gintama 2015 and kekkei sensen only? erm.. oh, also kurobasu..

wow, that's all?

oh, i also finally finish watching tokyo ghoul 2. ugh.. i hav to say, i dun really like the 2nd season. the random characters that keep on appearing.. like wht the hell? who are these people???? and that ending.. ugh.. if i m gonna score this, maybe, i'll only give it 6? ok, at least it is a bit above average.. the story about the owl is kinda interesting i guess.. but, to be honest, i am kinda disappointed for this series.. maybe i'll read the manga if i hav the time..

erm... what else? i dun hav anything else to say.. so bye2