hello diary. today is 25th of march, i m writing tis at 1.30am lol
ok.. lately.. i think i m beginning to crush on somebody, again. for the nth infinite times. seriously, i hate myself, for being so easily to fall for someone. i despise myself. i hate tis feelings. like i want to scream. it is better to have obsession for some artist/idol/actor/seiyuu/anime character even. Having a crush on real life person that u see and meet everyday is so painful..
why am i suddenly feeling this way towards him???????? i have known the guy for quite some times but i never had this feeling...erm, maybe becoz my suzu's obsession is getting, sad to say, declining now. heh, my suzu's obsession was really on fire last year, but now, i dont feel as passionate. it's always become like this.. when i got obsessed wit something, it is not for so long. for example, the jpop band, NEWS, wow, my obsession level was, really, something back then. but now, i dont feel anything at all towards them. i m such a cruel person. i hate the way i am. i want to be loyal, but my feelings just dont last that much.
so, yeah, tis current crush too, will also come to an end. i just hope it will end faster...
thinking of him makes me feels happy, seeing him makes me even happier. but i still hate this feeling. when i like someone, i get to conscious of the person. "if i do this, what would he think?? you get me?? like, everything i do or say, i m always concern of what he might think about it.
i dont want to be near him (becoz he makes my heart beats fast.. ) but after all, of coz i want to be near him all the time, see, how complicated is my feelings??? like earlier.. i kinda hav a feeling someone was behind me, and he like, appeared suddenly. and my heart start to do it thing, and cant even say anything to him. i want to say something, but i kept quiet. like what the hell brain???? i know what i wanted to ask, but my mouth just dun want to say it,. i ended doing other things (whilst thinking of him..damn what the hell, me..)
.... so painful. this feeling is so painful.
that is all diary. maybe i do an update on this current crush later lol
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