Random talk session 274

hello diary.. today is 31st march... time flies so fast...

i dont have no one to talk to about my feelings, so i m gonna put it here. at least, my future self will read this, about this crush of mine..

so yeah.. i m still not over it,, gah.. my feelings.. it hurts, i want to cry..

i remember his car smell, and it makes me miss him, even though i just saw him yesterday..

i remember before this, when there were just the 2 of us in the room, we would both stay silent, while helping each other out with our works.. i thought: "wow, this is a very awkward silent..(giggles)..." it was kinda amusing at that time..

looking back at our work schedule. i notice, i've been in the same shift wit him for almost a year... i saw him almost everyday.. more than anyone.. but i couldn't care less at that times.. i was preoccupied with my suzu obsession lol

now that my suzu's obsession is finally tuned down, there is finally some space on my heart for something else lol.. ah, but why it has to be him.. i rather it be an idol or some seiyuu.. i just had to fall for someone so near to be.. i just cant handle this intense feeling, it is making me crazy..

ah, yeah.. he is also one of the people that ever saw me crying.. i cut myself, then they treated me, and i was kinda overwhelming by the kindness of my coworkers, that i started crying (i was bleeding, but it didnt hurt that much to cry over). he was there too.. *sigh* oh, dear crush, you were always there, with me..

the other day, we were washing the bottles, and i was getting the cap off, when he offered his hand, i was strangely happy coz i got to touch his palm lightly...

i want to always see him, but i dont want to meet eyes wit him, so i just look at his back or his shoes.. not his face.. but sometimes, we talk about some mundane topics, and our eyes met, my heart starts to skip a beat.. i look away, doing other doings, while having war of the brain and the heart..

he seriously makes me crazy, and i will never say this feeling to him.

when i saw a picture of him wit other girl on his tab, i just know, i will nvr be wit him. and it hurts. i  realize, i just had an experience of a broken heart, and it is, really... hurtful.

still.. i know, this is only a crush. and i will not be in any relationship. so.. i'll always be here, just admiring you from the distant.. till this crush goes away..

ok..  that is for today.. i think i feel a little better now..